Education for the Masses

by Al Jacobs

There was a Ruler, bright and bold,

In ancient times, as it is told,

Before the academic mold

   To which we've grown committed.

He felt that learning was amiss,

And yearned for the antithesis,

That the untutored populace

   Could yet be benefited.

Though his ken topped the apogee,

It grieved him very much to see,

That others had, compared to he,

   An education shoddy.

And as he had it in his might,

Authority to set things right,

He thus bestowed, to his delight,

   Degrees on everybody.

The land was suddenly awash,

In literate and highbrow bosh.

Displays of knowledge, crassly swash,

   Good judgment in remission.

While idiotic concepts soared

From sage advisors by the horde,

Professors, all — with mortarboard,

   A most grotesque condition.

Philosophers, at every turn,

Spewed concepts that none could discern,

With understanding far astern,

   And logic nonexistent.

On every corner scholars preened,

Each one cum laude, so it seemed,

All thoughts were equally esteemed,

   Thought often inconsistent.

That Ruler, though to all endeared,

Caused learning to be commandeered.

And when all judgment is revered,

   We cease to be demanding.

Thus surely when the time arrives,

That mock equality applies,

No one will dare to criticize,

   A third-rate understanding.

And so you clearly get the view,

When every college pushes through

Each simpleton that asks it to,

   True worth must be diminished.

Of one thing it's a certainty,

And really, it's not hard to see,

When everyone's a PhD,

   Then education's finished.